Who am I and What am I Doing Here?

Answer: I’m Louise, I’m a queer, neurodivergent therapist talking about staying out of burnout through curiosity, compassion and kindness

I’m Louise, I’m a queer, neurodivergent therapist working online in the UK. My hair is generally some mixture of pink, purple and blue, but can change frequently. As well as seeing clients, I supervise other therapists and deliver training. I mostly work with other neurodivergent and/or LGBTQIA+ folks who are interested in exploring their identities and working towards a curated life that nourishes them.

Why Curiosity Spot?

Curiosity Spot started as a conversation during a drive home from a conference on compassionate approaches to mental health, when a colleague asked me what I would really like to do if I had no constraints. I responded that I’d love a space where I could explore different ways of working that made space for all of the parts of me. I knew I wanted this to include 1:1 therapy and supervision, but also group workshops and training. I wanted it to be a place where it was ok not to have all the answer, or even know what the questions was. A place to get creative and be curious about ourselves and the world.

It was a lovely dream, but work, study and parenting took up most of my energy and it felt like that was where it was going to stay. Fast forward to 2020, the first lockdown had just begun, one of my work contracts had come to an end and I was a couple of months away from receiving confirmation that I was autistic. I was in my house with time on my hands while everything I knew seemed to be changing. One of my favourite quotes was never far from my mind and I decided to have a go at embracing it.

In the waves of change we find our true direction.

The extra space and time I found myself with (along with the support of my wife) gave me the chance to revisit my dream for what Curiosity Spot could be, just as a virtual rather than physical space.

With my new found awareness of my autistic identity and the greater understanding of my needs, I began to pull together the elements of what a sustainable life meant for me. I would love to say that it was an easy and straightforward journey, but it required a lot of unlearning of old beliefs and behaviours to make space for more helpful ones. A lot of this happened with the support of therapists and supervisors who helped me to process and integrate my new knowledge about myself.

Then just when I thought I was getting the hang of it I developed long covid and had to slow everything down as I learnt to manage my fatigue. In some ways, this more than anything meant I had to find a new way of working (and living) because I simply didn’t have the energy to carry on as I was. It was the final permission I needed to overhaul how and when I worked. One of the biggest challenges of my recovery is to not let myself be dragged back into those old days of working.

Three years on and I have learnt lots of lessons from my own experiences as well as from the people I support. The importance of acknowledging the context in which we exist and how it impacts us (things like levels of privilege and access to resources) is something that I am passionate about and it is a key part of my work along with self compassion. It is a running theme in much of the work I do that patriarchy and capitalism are at the root of many difficulties and compassion and kindness are often the answer.

You can read more about what I learnt, and how I use it in my work in this post:

Self-compassion is what has allowed me to create a business that supports my needs and to give myself permission to attend to them. Sometimes that means an early night (probably most of the time) but it can also mean trying a really good imperial stout, or going to a yoga class, visiting the sea or curling up under my weighted blanket, listening to Terry Pratchett books or playing with Lego. Five years ago most of those things would have felt indulgent and I wouldn’t have done them, let along talk about them, but the most important thing I’ve learnt since then is that I’m ok and I don’t have to be ashamed of who I am any more.

I can show up as my queer autistic self and tell you about my special interests and the new thing I’ve found that makes life easier.

I don’t have to be the person I thought the world wanted me to be, I’m fine as I am and I want to help other people to know that too.

So this is an invitation for you, to show up as yourself as well.

This is a space where you are invited to be curious, to try things out and find what fits.

Decisions don’t have to be forever, they can be for now.

What would you like to be curious about?