Same Old, Same Old
The importance of coming back to the familiar
I’m aware I’ve been absent from here for the last few months, due to a number of external (and internal) welcome (and unwelcome) shifts.
I’ve been delivering the latest version of my course on Supporting Neurodivergent Wellbeing, I’ve been working on some new projects (which I can’t wait to share with you all), I had a fatigue flare up that knocked me for a while followed by a bout of covid and we’re in the middle of some changes in living arrangements as the academic year ends.
All in all it’s been a lot of uncertainty and change, which, like many neurodivergent folk, I can find change very difficult. It can take me a lot of emotional and cognitive energy to process and recalibrate when unexpected things happen and even when it’s wanted and chosen causes me dysregulation. Sometimes it’s as small as finding out my favourite t-shirt is in the wash, and sometimes it having to cancel all my plans after testing positive for covid.
Surprisingly, I am pretty good at being able to manage in the moment (I’m good in a crisis), but I can end up with something that feels like a transitional hangover. It take me time to re-regulate and get back on an even keel. I can feel the effects far beyond the resolution, when everyone else has already moved on, I’m often still trying to make sense of it and recalibrate. Those of you who know my spiral model of ND wellbeing will remember that dysregulation is part of what pushes our wellbeing down, and makes it harder to do the things that help us to regulate.
Luckily in the middle of all the change, the lovely
invited me onto her podcast to talk about self-care and released it just when I was struggling most to remember how to look after myself. It was like listening to a gift from past me, reminding me what was important, unsurprisingly tea and coming back to the familiar paid a big part.
I was reminded to go back to the things I know, the familiar and the known, the places where I have found safety and stability before while life has been difficult. It surprised no-one that this included some Lego (the orchid, because I decided it would be nice to have a plant I can’t kill).
I also finally succumbed and updated my gaming console (or replaced the one I had been gifted) so I could play the remake of Final Fantasy 7. As a teenager (and at various other points in my 20s) I had spent hours playing the original and it had become a comforting old friend, with characters and a story I knew well. Playing the remake felt like putting on an old comfy jumper, that had been made even better, all the things I loved were still there, but with improvements I didn’t know I needed.
It felt like the best of both worlds, my need for something familiar to anchor me while I was in the flux, but with just enough newness to give me the stimulation I loved. I managed to clock 40hrs of gameplay in 3 days while I was isolating with covid, and by the end I was feeling a little more grounded and regulated. By the time I was testing negative and it was time to back to work I had built up the capacity I needed to re-enter the world.
Finding my anchor points, and using them to ground and reconnecting with myself while I’m in the flux has been an important part of my process. It allows me to stop fighting against the tide of change and gives me the capacity and space to figure out what is and isn’t in my control and what I want to (and am able to) do. It supports me to move through it in the least harmful way, and sometimes it allows me to recognise the opportunities that are always present in change, however difficult it might be.
It’s why I often work with clients to identify their own anchors and regulatory activities. So that when executive function is more dysfunction, they already know what is going to me most helpful to them in weathering the storm
I’d love to know
What helps you to move through change?
What anchors you in yourself?
What do you come back to when you need to regulate?
I’d like to promise that I’m going to be back to my regular writing schedule, but the truth is I’m still in the flux. So, I’m prioritising my 1:1 work and training while my energy is limited, and I’ll be posting as and when my capacity allows for a little while longer.
Thanks for sticking with me!
