The Joy (and Frustration) of Hyperfocus

Or, why I'm grateful to past Louise

I’ve written before and my pick and mix neurodivergence and how, although autism is my dominant flavour, I’ve been exploring how much ADHD there might be hiding in there. I’ve recently been noticing that there seem to be times when the sprinkles of ADHD coalesce into a critical mass and my brain can’t stop working. Sometimes this works in my favour, they can bring with them creativity and sociability that are often masked by my need for time alone and the safety structure and routine bring.

On the days when ADHD seems to be in the driving seat I’m able to make the phone calls I’ve been putting off, I volunteer for projects (every conference I’ve ever spoken at came about this way), I make plans to see friends and try new things. In these moments my fear of being seen is overpowered by the pull of doing something new and exciting, often accompanied by a hyperfocus.

This week there has certainly been something going on in the balance of my spikey profile. Despite being in the middle of a test run of my training on working with ND clients (something I’ve been working on for six months) my brain has decided that what I really need to do is write and launch a completely different training on neuro-affirming practice. So in between my usual clients work, keeping up with home, an exceptionally social November and beta testing a new course I’ve been researching, creating powerpoints and marketing materials and overhauling my website, when I really haven’t had the time.

Because I’ve fallen into this hyperfocus other things have slipped as it has expanded to fill all available (and some unavailable space). Meals have happened, but begrudgingly and only because I’m responsible for feeding other people. I’ve found myself cramming tasks into spaces where I would normally rest and recharge. I wake up in the night thinking about things I would like to add into the training (and possibly completely different workshops). I haven’t even done my morning or evening routines all week, as I start working early and am too tired to do more than pour myself into bed at night.

My self-care is the thing that has been shoved aside as I fall deeper into the hyperfocus. Because I’ve neglected my self-care and all the practices which help me stay regulated, my spikey profile has become spikier and I find myself more easily dysregulated and lacking capacity. And, the more dysregulated I become the less able I am to do the things I want (or need) and so the less I look after myself and therefore I become even more dysregulated. I am pushed down the spiral of wellbeing and, if I know from experience that if I don’t catch myself, I will hit burnout.

I can see all of this happening, in fact it’s one of the core parts of the training I’ve been delivering over the last few weeks, but when I’m in hyperfocus it feels incredibly hard to break out of. I know I’ve been counting on the work past Louise put in place to build capacity and resources. This is what will soften the impact of my hyperfocus fuelled neglect and make sure I don’t spiral right to the bottom.

It’s thanks to past Louise that there have been meals in the freezer to eat when cooking was too much. It was past Louise who decided not to take on any new clients this month because she thought we might need the wiggle room while delivering training. It was past Louise who put lines through this weekend in the diary so it didn’t get filled with more plans and guaranteed time to rest.

All of this was possible, because I have learnt the things that keep me regulated, which are the often the things I find hardest to do as I slip into hyperfocus and/or dysregualtion. Because I know and understand why these things are important I make sure that when I have capacity I build in as many safeguards as I have. This means that when I am moving down the spiral I have anchor points to hold onto. It’s these anchor points that slow me down and sometimes are enough to start moving me back up.

I think my hyperfocus on writing new training has passed (if it hadn’t I probably wouldn’t be able to write this today). Often this passing is accompanied recriminations about the things that have been missed, including neglecting relationships and people who are important to me. However, thanks to past Louise who showed kindness and compassion for her future self (me), I may have dodged the worst of it this time.

And I’ve written a bonus workshop….

I’d love to know about your anchor points and how you support yourself when you’re heading down the spiral.