The Power of Connection
And why I practice what I preach
I’m technically on leave this week (or at least I’m not doing any 1:1 work). What I have been doing is spending 2 days delivering training to some fantastic professionals on Supporting Neurodivergent Wellbeing and then resting to manage the impact of my recent fatigue flare-up.
I love delivering training, it’s something that I did for years in various jobs, but nothing quite compares to doing it my own way. As part of my unmasking process I no longer turn up ‘suited and booted’ performing what I think being a professional should look like. I give myself permission to turn up as I (favourite dungarees and fidgets everywhere) and to deliver in a way that works for me (lots of breaks and online).
I also make sure my participants know that they are also welcome to come as they are (with a caveat of no on camera nudity), but otherwise I encourage them to show up in the way that will support their learning best. Cameras on or off, using mouth words, the chat function or not commenting at all on feedback and options for breakout rooms or quite self-reflection on the exercises, no need to ‘look engaged’ by maintaining eye contact and nodding appropriately (although that’s welcome if it works for them).
I am a big believer in practicing what I preach, and spending two days talking about supporting our clients wellbeing in a neuro-affirming way, without offering ourselves the same wouldn’t sit well with me. This is the same thinking that means I take regular breaks from my clients work (and why I had given myself permission to not write a second post this month until this one popped into my head this morning).
One of the things we talked about in the training was how sometimes just giving ourselves permission to attend to our own needs and sharing how we do this can be enough to give permission to others who may struggle to do the same. An important part of the training was recognising he vulnerability and lack of safety that can be a big part of unmasking, as well as the role of privilege and and societal expectations in making it more or less accessible to some neurodivergent folks. This is not a simple and straight forward choice for many people who may face huge consequences to unmasking.
However, we also acknowledged the power of finding those places and people where we can safely allow ourselves to be our gloriously neurodivergent selves. Those spaces where we are encouraged to attend to our own needs, where we can share our own experiences and also what helps. Because talking about these things helps to foster compassion and kindness, which combats the fear and shame so many of us feel about aspects of our neurodivergence which doesn’t ‘fit’ with how we were told we are supposed to be.
And it is this kindness and compassion that helps us to disrupt the downward spiral to burnout and build capacity so we can start to find out what sustainable balance looks like for us. (There’s more on my model of this below.)
So with that in mind I wanted to reshare this note where I asked people to link to their favourite ND led Substacks, because one of the things I’ve loved about being here is that there is a community (actually lots of them) and I learn so much and recieve so many permissions just by reading the writing of other ND folk who are also trying to figure this stuff out.
There’s an open invitation to add more in the comments to this post, or in the note (and adding your own link is very welcome). But as someone who is a lurker by nature myself, I want you to know that it’s also ok if you just want to take a look at who else is around without commenting. You’re still very welcome in this community, however feels ok for you to show up.
