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Sarah Shotts's avatar

This has been a challenge, as my kid talks more, people expect him to have consistent language to spoken language. That’s not how it works. “Use your words.” is not always an option.

For myself, I tend to shut down (not speak) when I am overstimulated. Growing up my family respected that and gave me space. My husband has a very difficult time understanding this and I’ve noticed if I am pressed into verbal language during a shutdown it inverts the experience and suddenly I am melting down.

Once I had this aha moment I’ve talked with him about the necessity and function of the shut down. It’s like a turtle retreating into its shell. It’s an intuitive coping strategy. If that doesn’t work. If someone rams a stick into the turtle shell and pokes my squishy body I become a nuclear bomb. My ability to regulate emotions is completely gone at that time. And I hate that feeling.

Verbal language isn’t always necessary and it isn’t urgent. It can and should wait when the individual is not at capacity to do so.

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David Rich Sol's avatar

Thank you, Louise.

I believe language is very powerful. I also recently wrote about an aspect of this topic on my Substack. Before I discovered and was diagnosed as AuDHD, I used to believe that there was something "fundamentally wrong with me." As a young child, I literally recall telling my mother that I wish I could unscrew my head and put someone else's brain in its place instead of mine. I had so much self loathing and self hatred based on being constantly misunderstood and misinterpreted. Not to mention, I was bullied, mocked, teased, and belittled constantly by both my peers and adults. As a school aged child, I had no friends, adults didn't get me, and my parents were absent. I felt totally alone.

A couple of years ago when I finally received my diagnoses (and affirmations of my neurotype). I broke down and cried. Not because I was sad. No! Because finally I felt seen and validated. I began to read everything I could about neurodivergence and my unique neurotypes. I learned about the neurodiversity movement and the importance of language. And, I felt empowered.

I still struggle with aspects of low self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-confidence. However, receiving my validation and changing the perspective from a language of "pathology" to a language of positive difference has been tremendously vital and important in my healing journey.

I'm now exploring ways to share my story and help others so they don't have to suffer like I did for decades. Thank you, again for sharing your insights.

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